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I Hate Heidi Montag

08.12.09

I love singling out Nickelback as being the hands-down WORST band on the planet, even though I know that it’s somewhat arbitrary.  One could easily argue that Seether or Buckcherry should take that (dis)honor.  And they would have a very good argument; but, I’m going to stick to my guns on Nickelback.

The same goes for people I consider to be just truly awful human beings.  I can’t say that I have any clearcut frontrunner in mind (there are just so many idiots to choose from) but after happening accidentally upon some news articles today, I have to say that as of right now Heidi Montag has jumped up near the top of my list.

Here’s why:

Montag tells Extra that her dad still doesn’t know that she has posed for Playboy, which just hit newsstands:

“I’m very religious. I’m a big Christian girl. I kinda wanted to keep those values a little bit. I haven’t told my dad yet. I might not tell him.”

Right.  Because your dad will never find out unless you tell him personally.  Clearly this whole posing half-naked in one of the most popular and successful magazines of all time and then doing numerous interviews about posing half-naked in said magazine means you only want a few, select people to know about it.

She had no problem telling her mom, of course, since only fathers care if their daughters take off their clothes for everyone to see.  And Mrs. Montag approves:

“My mum was so excited she was just, like, pose! God gave you that body, you show off that cute little thing.”

Umm.  Yeah, sure, if by God she means plastic surgeon Dr. Godfried “God” McBooberton in Beverly Hills, then yes, God definitely gave her that body.  Maybe Mrs. Montag has no idea that Heidi had a very obvious boob job because Heidi simply didn’t tell her as that is the only way her parents ever find out about her life.

The real clincher to becoming one of the worst people in humanity is not only being intellectually destitute, but also an asshole.  Or in her case, a first-class bitch.  This is what she says to her haters:

If they aren’t hating on you, then you’re not doing anything right. If women aren’t jealous of you, talking about you and cutting you down, then you’re a nerd, and I would never want to be that.”

Don’t worry, Heidi.  No one will ever confuse you as being a nerd.  And just imagine that life:  no one cutting you down all the time, talking behind your back, acting all petty and jealous.  Awful!

I hate Heidi Montag.

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6 comments

  1. Dr. McBooberton… catchy. haha


  2. This was hilarious. Heidi Montag is a horrible person AND singer. She deserves a separate award.


  3. Heidi just fails at life, in every way possible. This is why I hate pretty people.


    • Yeah, she’s a pretty giant failure. I don’t think she’s pretty in the least, though. Now she’s more of a monster.


  4. That girl is so stupid it’s sickening. And what an awful a-hole of a husband. She almost looks like that real life cat woman. She looks disformed on her face and those gigantic boobs will give her back problems when she reaches 40. If she even reaches that age and doesn’t fall apart from all the surgeries. I mean wow Heidi. Change ur name and move out of the country, start livig somewhere where people don’t know u and don’t hate u.


    • Good call on the cat woman reference. She really has gone off the deep end. She’s her own Frankenstein monster.



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